Snow Hoe

We went to Zell am See for “team building,” which turned out to be a camouflaged kink retreat so Joke could ogle compressed testicles in rental ski pants without HR interference. Night one: Esmiralda or Franka, no one really knows — climbed on a table and started gargling tequila like it was breakfast. Nobody asked. Nobody stopped her. From that moment on, no one skied. People just slipped. On each other. On shot glasses. On morals. Somewhere in the chaos, Nik lost three days and Ria lost her virginity (which she apparently found again in room 203).